Have this undeniable urge to run run run.. my chest is heaving and i feel so much panic today. this has been one of the crazy up & down days for me. total lack of control.. feelings of not sure what!
i sincerely think if i cannot get my own place to be in when i feel like this i will go mad. I know what i want but not how to get it. On the inside my life is falling apart but i guess on the outside it resembles normal.. whatever that is.
I cannot get anyone to understand how i feel. my therapist gets pretty close but the real people in my world do not know how to help me and i have no clue as what to tell them so they can help me.
My husband told me he will build me a place on another part of our property if i need to but he cannot do it right away. I need it right away but i also understand the factors (money) and time frame it takes to get a house built.
not sure if i can be patient while my world crumbles around me. I need a place to call my own.
if i know nothing else i know that to be true for me. I don't want a divorce because i cannot picture my life without my husband in it, but i do know i need some changes and fast. I need to feel in control of my life again and by being on my own i hope to find that.
I have to end on this note as i begin to sound like a broken record and it annoys me.. !
This is so not positive thinking but today i don't have that to offer...
No comments:
Post a Comment