All righty then...

Well not real sure what is happening with me but something good and positive is going on.. woot woot!!

I am feeling better, stronger and way more positive these last few weeks.. trying not to question the why or how.. just going with the flow as they say..lol

am on a roll and liking it so much.. Have started a new medicine regime and it feels like for once in over 7 long years something is working really well.

I have more energy, i look forward to stuff again,plus my stamina has been slowly increasing and

 I LOVE THAT!!

Hooray for the correct supplements that mix well with my regular daily medicines.. It is incredible!!!

I mean it.. I feel excitement and look forward to things. I have not felt this way in many years.

I pray that this keeps going and i move forward. Just not trying to rush things is hard but i fear a setback if i do.. so Patience is what I am working on.

well that is it for this evening.. have stuff to get done.. have a busy week ahead and I like it!!!

High Anxiety

Wow.. my anxiety is through the roof today!! started last night with pulse racing and heart pounding.. have no clue as what set it off but kept me awake off and on most of the night.. this morning is still raging and feel like my blood pressure is in the clouds.. jaw is throbbing and my teeth want to stay clenched.. nothing i know of has triggered this.

Glad i have a doctor apt and a therapy session today.. may get to the root of this. Wow is all I can say.. feel crappy and do not even know why..

Just when i think i have this on the road to licked it shows me who is boss and it sure aint me.. YET!!!

I am going to ask the doc about alternative therapies like median tapping and see what she says about it. 

Have to get this anxiety under control before i end up with a heart attack or stroke.. that really scares me.

Today just  driving to the dr. office is stressing me more than usual.. 

Lord give me calm.. I need calm to get done what I need to today and everyday.. show me a way to cope and work through this PLEASE..

hIGH aNXIETY.. FEELING.. WELL feeling like.. ???????

Have to go now and get myself to the appointments..and back home..

Gonna Do!!

Hey there.. made my mind up just this minute.. gonna start a new blog i think.. gonna do it like a Pinterest thing.. with things I am interested in.. dream about and such.. BUT am gonna acquire the pics, info etc about stuff before i put it out there.. is gonna be my positive page.. How about that!!!! will do some research.. and make a doozy of a page.. SO.. am outta here for now.. going to see my lil EvaLynn today.. really excited.. Back at ya later!!!

GRRRR...with a touch of Sun!! :)

Had a beautifully written post for this day but lost it.. well short ^ sweet today.

Think i am getting a stomach flu of some sort.. feeling really grumpy.. growly.. and belly is really churning today..dogs even giving me a wide berth today.. poor babies  :(

Sun is shining today.. which usually makes me feel better..but belly has other ideas for me i guess.

 So today will be a hang out day in my comfy chair.. no sudden movements as i feel a heave coming on.. not good!!

Saw my Granddaughter Evalynn Rose yesterday.. made me so happy!! love visiting with my sons and their families..is what keeps me going.

Been trying to find out more info on this "Mental Thing" that has attached itself to me but not much luck so far. (Somatization Disorder)

 Also will ask my therapist what other avenues i may try.

I need to get more help understanding and connecting with others that also may be searching for answers too.

Anyone that may stumble on this blog and have some leads of where to look will be much appreciated.

Am going for now... need a nap.. Better Days are Ahead.. I feel it!!!

Am sorry for this...

I am saying sorry to some of you that have read my posts.. what I am sorry for is the fact that what I post makes you uncomfortable.. and that maybe you think less of me or wish i would not post what i do..

I am sorry.. but I am doing this for ME.. it makes ME feel better to get this out of MY brain.

If i don't get this out in some form I will undoubtedly not get better and I will not get back to the person I want to be.I am hoping that if I re read what I have posted I can possibly learn something about myself.  I cannot take any of this back as it is truly what I am feeling. For most of my life I have always not done or said some things that I really felt and it was mainly because of how it may make someone else feel.. Will not do that anymore.. cannot do that anymore. If you cannot help and support me than please do not read what I write. I love you and do not put any of this to hurt any of you. I am doing this FOR ME.. and I need this! I just ask that if you cannot understand.. at least try to accept why I am doing this and Love me enough to let me do this & hope with me.

Winter made an Appearance

Well.. today has been snowy, rainy, sleety and windy!! folks.. it is February and the low tonight will be 16.. so they say.. brrrrrr!
Is gloomy outside as I feel inside today.. need some sunshine.. don't we?
umm..been having migraines again so went & got glasses hoping it might help.. BUT no it sure has not. Not sure what next to do.. have been on this merry go round for years now. Going to the doctor every week now, with therapy once a week and regular doc every other week. Is about all i get done.. having a terrible time even getting the bills paid and definitely not getting them paid on time.. thought i could write more today but cannot.. head hurting too much. will try again later.. anyone that may happen to read this.. any thoughts or ideas that may help will be much appreciated..

What to say-Alot to say

Tired of the same day to day stuff that never change.. never change.. never change
having an extremely down day.. been by myself for almost all of it and in the mind set i don't wanna do this anymore..
ya see another day and another extreme mood swing. some days i can get control and other days I have no.. none.. nadda control. what happens??? is like a switch in my brain that flips on and off at will. I WANNA SCREAM.. be normal, have a normal life again.. be happy and live your life again!!

How can that happen? anybody? HELP ME!
Feeling extreme, tired, hurt, and both mentally and physically drained.. more than usual. I have therapy tomorrow but it is hard to go there as I feel not much progress is happening. was hoping to feel better more of the time but is coming so slow.. I have made some plans but unless i push push push they won't happen any time soon.. should i just take off?? should i stay and just accept things for what they are?
I feel crazy today.. out of control and agitated.. don't even have one reason for it either. it just comes over me and has it's way.. i have no choice until it decides it is done with me and throws me aside..back to reality.........................................
i spend too much time alone with my own thoughts.. not good at all. is really hard to make myself go places especially by myself so i usually don't. have become quite a hermit. I can be social and do enjoy it but have to be really pushed to make the first step.
anyways guess i will put exactly what goes on in my mind as no one is reading it but me anyways, right. Yes some days this helps me but today.. nope.. feels like a bunch of words getting tossed and lost in the universe.. the end.. Night!