Out of Focus

One of the main stumbling blocks I have encountered is the ability to stay focused. I start projects.. get sidetracked and before you know it.. whewwww I am no where near what i was intending to do. This used to be one of those things i told myself was ok, -everyone has these  moments.. but my moments grew into hours then days and before I knew it there were months missing from my life that i have no way of getting back. My confidence was going, self esteem was out the door and i had no faith in myself or the decisions I was attempting to make. When i looked in the mirror a stranger was looking back and that scared me more than i care to tell about!
I went from a very focused but scattered person to just plain lost and scattered. No decisions were made on my own anymore, i second guessed every aspect of my life and the one thing that repeated itself to me (inside my head) was I need to get out of here, I need my own place, I need my own everything and I don't want to be responsible for anyone or anything but "Myself".
I felt totally insane, out of control and on the edge of going off a cliff and never coming back. I felt myself trying to tell people how bad i was feeling but it felt like i was talking a foreign language that no one understood. Everyone said" your fine, just calm down". They just didn't get it or me anymore. So.. I just did what everyone expected of me.. I shut down even more and went on auto pilot so the people in my life were not stressed and thought I was doin good. So here began my journey into denial to save face and keep everyone else happy and  thinking things were on the right track.. Oh how wrong that decision was ! Never again...